Thursday, March 27, 2008

Solitary Hobby

I really do enjoy the act of creating my own clothing, it just bums me out sometimes that it's such a solitary hobby.  While I enjoy reading the posts on PatternReview and reading all the sewing blogs, sometimes I get quite lonely.  Today is one of those days.  It's raining, Mick's gone all day and I've got no one to talk to.  I have essentially been home by myself for the last eight years because I quit work to have children and we all know how that worked out.  I remember when I left my job (I used to be {2nd} in charge of security at our largest museum), I had a huge staff of people whom I really (for the most part) enjoyed being around everyday, plus it's a museum so I'd get to go hang out in the galleries when I had a little downtime.  I had several hundred cool, smart people to talk to everyday.  I told Mick when I quit that I'd only have three cats to talk to.  We thought things would be different and I guess they are, two cats died and I got a dog, but you can't really have an intelligent conversation with pets.  All my friends work during the day  or have children and can't really spend time with me. I used to talk to my mom everyday, but she passed away five years ago. I used to care for my dad but he's gone too now.  I don't like shopping, and it's too cold and rainy to do yard work so I just sit here.  I'm really not lamenting the current course of my life, I'm really quite happy.  Some days are just boooooring and lonely.  I have plenty to do:  taxes (ugh), laundry (ugh), dishes (ugh), blog posts (eh) and of course there are sewing projects waiting for me but I can't pull myself out of this funk to focus and get stuff done.  Does anyone else go through these phases of general malaise??  I'm getting so desperate that I've been entertaining the idea of getting a Master's Degree (you know it's bad when I'm thinking about going back to school).

On another topic, I just read Cidell's last blog post about her date and I have this to say.  Don't bother with people who don't get you.  That's the last thing anyone needs in their lives.  Cidell is a super cool girl (whom I don't know personally, but you know, I can tell) and she makes awesome stuff and she loves sewing.  There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with that.  If some dude says some stupid thing then the cricket sound should be in your head, time to go buddy boy.  All of my boyfriends have been acutely aware of my sewing and some of them were HORRIBLE PEOPLE  but even they appreciated that I had a hobby just like they did, and I was only praised for being able to do something that a bunch of people can't do.  Sewing is just as valuable if not moreso than a whole bunch of other stuff you could be doing.  For crying out loud, at least it's not "unicorn collecting" not that there's anything wrong with that.  I always tell Mick, hey I could be spending all this money on something untoward, but I'm not.  I'm creating, creating things for me and for him and for all the people whom I love.  Not a damned thing wrong with that and no one should ever be ashamed of how awesome they are!!!!


Keely said...

I think we all have these days. The sort of day when there's tons to do but you don't seem to get anything done, when you just drift through the day like your life is on hold until your partner gets home. It was when I got to the point of wanting to chat to the supermarket checkout chick that I knew I needed to get out of the house a bit more, lol.
As for going back to school, I've just gone back to finally finish my degree and I'm loving it. Grown-ups who want to talk about something other than where their sock are! :)
Hope you get over the blahs soon. What about curling up with a good book or movie for a bit of distraction and escapism?
Are there any other PR'ers nearby who you could get together with occasionally? Or an evening a month you can go out with your friends who are tied up during the day?

Sunny said...

Hi, I just stumbled onto your blog and wanted to tell you that this happens to me all the time! I quit work and school to stay home with my kiddos too. I get like this often. I have a husband, 3 kids, a cat and a dog, but I get quite lonely too. I love to sew and quilt. I live and breath it! But often I wish for my own sewing buddy in real life not just virtual, you know. Now that all of my kids are at school, I have no one to talk to. I wish I could give you advice on how to get out of the "funk" but sometimes I struggle with it myself. Good luck to you and happy sewing. You do wonderful work. Sincerly J.P.

Anonymous said...

I'm not diminishing your loneliness because I know that it's real and valid. Still you're lucky. You have companionship that's meaningful. Going back to school will not be the thing that removes that sense of isolation. More likely, it will be having something new going on to share with your husband that will be the difference that will make you feel better because school(or anything) by itself, and often the people you meet in association with those things, simply linger around the surface. They're often superficial and don't fill the void. Imagine how lonely it would be to do all those things that people preceive as wonderful and exciting with no one to share them with. Imagine cooking for one all the time. Imagine never having to wait for anyone to come home, ever. Waking up alone, going to sleep alone, no phone calls, no hugs, no kisses, no bithday dinners, no holiday visits, no gifts to get (or give).

You have hobbies that are solidary but imagine if you did all those things for no one other than yourself and maybe a few friends that you never have an opportunity to see.

I'm always alone and there's no one to break that up. Just fantasies that are often as detrimental as the loneliness.

Your loneliness is real and valid but the good thing is that it only comes in passing moments. It passes. It's not all of you. It doesn't radiate from your being. It passes.

Mary Beth said...

I'm here! (waving) Sending a great big "Hello!" your way.

I wonder if it's not the change of seasons, too, if not just another round of a less virulent strain of the flu...many folks I know are slightly down and "off their feed" Could that translate for us special sewing people as "off their feed-dogs"?

Funny thing, I come to the internet to get a change of pace from the folks I have to deal with in person (uh-oh!)

Kat said...

Have you ever thought of volunteering? There are so many places to help out like women's shelters, libraries, schools, community sports programs, that would love to have help.

I mention this because I'm kind of opposite of you--love to be a solitary homebody. Yet I volunteer in Little League for my kids. I'm the Vice-President of our Softball division and speak to/deal with more people than I ever really want to LOL. Basically I'm a non-stress person, but talking to so many adults all the time occasionally makes me wish I could spend a day in solitary confinement. I like my peace, quiet, and solitude immensely. DH is the same way. However, you would probably thrive in a position like this :) .

You sound like you'd be perfect for some time of volunteer organization and would be such an asset for them.

alethia said...

I understand how you feel. I was home for about 2-years with my youngest child. I though i would be happy, but i was not. I returned to work because i needed the money but more important was that i needed my sanity. Sewing and quilting my two passions did not fill that void for me. My youngest is 14 now and i love going to work most of the time. Sometimes i don't want to go because i am in the process of sewing something or cleaning up my sewing ares. Oh well, maybe you can try teaching a class at the fabric store or work few hours at the library, or visit the library and go thru their extensive collection of sewing books or.....

Melody said...

Thanks you guys for coming to my rescue. I feel much better, too many things were getting me down at once. My grandmother used to say, If you can January and February, you can March on through. Well I tell you that march is getting longer and harder, but you'll never know how wonderful it felt to read all of your sweet and helpful comments. Love to you all, really!

marty said...

Melody, check out to see if there is an American Sewing Guild chapter in your area so you can meet some sewing buddies. Also check at your local fabric store for sewing clubs. Some dealers offer classes where you can meet others who sew. I had to take early retirement due to health issues and didn't know anyone who sewed besides my MIL and she died a few months after I retired. I found several sewing clubs and the ASG. I have sewing activities every week with others who like to sew. I have started collecting sewing books, upgraded my equipment and now teach classes on occasion. Like you, I have a lot of alone time but never feel lonely.