My dear friend who is the same age as me (40) asked me to babysit her very tiny baby. He's 8 months old and really quite friendly. He doesn't really know me because every time I've seen him he's either sleep or just born. Anyway she dropped him off this morning and gave me all the instructions, yeah I got it. I TOTALLY DIDN'T HAVE IT. About twenty minutes into it he lost it, I mean LOST IT. I tried everything I could think of, food, diaper check, holding, singing, walking around. Nothing worked. I had to call my other friend for advice. He was screaming at the top of his longs so all I could say was, "I need help" She said to check the major five things: food, poop, sleepy, hot, and cold. I tried food but he's got this cough and he'd try to take his bottle and start coughing and then it'd freak him out and he'd start crying again. I checked for poo, THANK GOD, no poop. I took him outside and he seemed to calm down a bit but he was really sleepy. I brought him in for a nap and he'd get started again. I went through this about three times. I gave him baby orajel and some cough medicine but still he just cried and cried and cried. It sounded like I was torturing him. In the interim he peed so I changed the diaper and left his pants off, he seemed to crank down a bit. I thought, well it can't get any worse so I laid him down on the bed and took off his overshirt and turned on the air conditioning. He calmed way way down. In all that time I'd forgotten to check the last two of the major five. He was too hot. Poor Baby! He took a good long nap and I just sat there staring at him, afraid to move for fear of waking him up. My cats tried to get me to give them food, I pretty much dumped what I could get my hands onto and locked them in a room to shut them up. I sat there for an hour and a half, doing absolutely nothing. Nothing! When he woke up he was in a very good humor and he played and goo-gooed until his mom came to pick him up. He's a sweet baby and I think he did really well for not knowing me and dealing with my stupidity.
Later my friend Julie called to make sure I hadn't sunk into a depression about my own childlessness. To the contrary, I was giddy with freedom. I happily made myself a tuna sandwich and kissed my dog and cats for about an hour. When Mickey came home I thanked him for not knocking me up. The universe knew exactly what it was doing with me, some people are made to be moms and some people are made to have tons of fruitless sex. I happily fall into the second category.