My house is dirty.
I feel like the worst woman. Everyone comments on how dirty my house is. It’s not filthy disgusting, food and poop everywhere dirty. I have two cats and a dog. My husband is a pack rat and yes, I have a life. It gets hairy and cluttered in here. We have too many books, I have too much fabric and too many patterns and all of our stuff is old or hand-me-downs. I hate that I feel guilty about this. My house is the way it is because I hate cleaning. I don’t have new things because I quit my job five years ago and every day, I thank God I did. What am I supposed to do, become a shrew who won’t let her husband buy books and records. Why would I? It makes him happy, he has to do so many things that just suck, he can have a little fun. He refuses to clean out the garage and the basement and has refused for about 8 years. I did what I could but it’s really not my responsibility to make him go through his things. Eventually he’ll be forced to. I’ve arranged a nice functional home around all of these challenges and yet, I feel like I’m being judged and I don’t much like it. I finally did clean up the kitchen, it was full of cookbooks and appliances and papers piled up on the table. I did it because it wasn’t pleasant for us. Now it’s pleasant and because I cleaned that room, Mickey started cleaning the bedroom, and I finished. It’s much more pleasant as well. Then I hated my sewing room so I spent three days organizing and throwing things away and cleaning. It’s absolutely beautiful.
The other day Sheryl and the girls came over and I wasn’t expecting them and the living room was in full torn up mode. I felt soooo bad, then Sheryl had an allergy attack from all the hair and dust in there. She didn’t care and was a really good sport about all of it but I still felt bad. I spent yesterday cleaning the living room and it’s better, but where to put the too many books and cds and sheet music. Yes we have bookshelves and cd racks and a music cabinet but it only holds so much. We’ve again run out of room. Last year I gave away, literally, a whole carload of books. I really don’t want to have to go through that again but I know I’ll have to. The office is a total nightmare. I can barely get in here, let alone sit in the only other chair that’s in here. We just seem to keep shifting stuff from on room to another. The guest bedroom was perfectly lovely but the closet exploded so I took everything out to re-configure it, now all the clothes are on the bed and all the shoes are on the floor.
We’re only two people living in a typical 1950’s ranch style house. My neighborhood and countless other neighborhoods are full of them. Lord know’s there are plenty of examples just around me of way more people living in the same amount of space. How do they do it?? Are their houses just a travesty? Just our clothes take up three closets in the three bedrooms and Mick uses the closet under the basement stairs for his out of season suits. What is the deal? How do I make this work?
I don’t want to do it for other people although it really does piss me off to hear someone tell me that my housework is lacking. Anyway I think it relates more to the perceived notion that since I don’t have a job or children, all I should have to do is scrub wall and floors and dishes. Does anybody reading this remember when you didn’t have kids and those of you who don’t, if you could quit your job tomorrow, would you relish your time at home by CLEANING IT!!!!!! Probably not, you’d do things that you love to do, unless of course cleaning is the thing you love to do. When I was working very few people shared with me their wish to be at home to do more cleaning. I spend time with Mick and I sew and I play with my pets when I’m not cooking or doing laundry or walking the dog or taking my dad to the doctor or running errands or gardening or grocery shopping or building crap.
I guess I’m just a little annoyed. I did get four and one half rooms clean and the dog washed, Mick’s gonna have to finish the bathroom.